Don’t Abandon Me

Grade 11 boys (L to R): Athenkosi, Siyambonga, Jim (gr 11 – 1977!), Simamkele

While it may be instinctive to react negatively when a boy misbehaves, and feel inclined to abandon him, negative conduct can serve a mentor well. Instead of focusing on the inappropriate behaviour, focus on the reason behind the behaviour.

What is happening in the youth’s life which is motivating the destructive acts, making them seem pro-survival?

“Discouraged children show their conflict and despair in obvious ways, or they disguise their real feelings with acts of pseudo-courage.”   ” …such as attention-seeking or running with gangs.” – Reclaiming Youth At Risk : Our Hope for the Future (Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg)

Bryan – age 17 – home for his family is a steel shipping container with no electricity or running water. Jim helped Bryan return to grade 9 in January 2018 after dropping out 1 year ago to due circumstances at home.

Teaching with Poverty in Mind: What Being Poor Does to Kids’ Brains and What Schools Can Do About It, by Eric Jensen:

“Children who have had greater exposure to abuse, neglect, danger, loss, or other poverty-related experiences are more reactive to stressors. Each stressor builds on and exacerbates other stressors and slowly changes the student.” “Behavior that comes off as apathetic or rude may actually indicate feelings of hopelessness or despair.”

L to R: Jason (14-grade 6), Jay Jay (15 – grade 7), Chaylon (14 – grade 8), Rayno (14 -grade 8). Only 40% of grade 8 students in township schools complete high school.

The Price of Inequality – Joseph Stiglitz: “…the poor know that their prospects of emerging poverty, let alone making it to the top, are minuscule.”

“NIDS- national income study: “…if your parents are among the poorest earners, the chances that you will be income-poor is about 95%.” (Murray Leibbrandt, Director)

Leedunn – Age 17, dropped out of grade 9 in 2016 due to circumstances at home. Jim helped Leedunn return to grade 9 in January 2018.

Professor Ben Turok (The Confronting Inequality Conference): “We also know from historical experience that extreme inequality of the kind of levels we see in South Africa is not good for development and growth…”

Oxfam: “Left unchecked, growing inequality threatens to pull our societies apart. It increases crime and insecurity, and undermines the fight to end poverty.”

L to R: Wanga and Siyathemba

Wanga and Siyathemba represent the future of Africa. We met Siyathemba when he was in grade 8 and joined one of our mentorship groups, and Wanga when he was in grade 12.

You won’t meet better people than these 2 young men; hard working, reliable, and honest. Siyathemba just commenced his 2nd year of a B. Comm degree, and Wanga is completing the final year of a computer science degree.Your individual donations, and support from the Moondance Foundation, are helping Wanga and Siyathemba continue their studies.

Janet’s connections at Cell C (internet provider) helped both guys secure employment during the December-January university break.

Janet and Ace (Andile)

After commencing university in 2016, Ace’s mother passed away and he needed to return home to care for his younger brother, Asanda. Asanda is in grade 10 now and doing well again, allowing Ace to resume his studies. Thanks to generous sponsorship from the Khayamandi Foundation, Ace recently enrolled in a 1 year program in Cape Town to upgrade his high school marks and qualify for admission to an education degree. Ace aspires to be a high school teacher.

Some of the boys we mentor who didn’t complete high school, working with the Khayamandi Foundation for 1 week in January: (L to R) Akhona, Ruwaan, Ruwaan, Reagro, Franklin.

Statistics South Africa 2012 – only 38% of South African fathers live with their children.

Fatherless children are at greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, suicide, poor academic performance, school drop out, teen pregnancy, and criminality.

Working with the Khayamandi Foundation team (January 22 to 26, 2018).

Don Pinnock – South African criminologist and author: 

“One of the biggest indicators for male delinquency is absent fathers.” “…in the absence of role models, how do young men assert their masculinity?”

“They carry feelings of shame and anger which they generally hide with bravado and, often, violence.” “They are drawn to others like themselves…”. “These kids often turn to violence and aggression…because these are a reliable method for reasserting their existence.” “I hurt others therefore I am”.

Olwethu – age 19, completed grade 8. Currently enrolled in a 9 session carpentry skills program.

Growing up in the Care of strangers – Waln K Brown, John R Seita:
“That is why I started running with a gang. The streets let us escape from problems at school and at home. Home was just a place to eat, sleep, and catch heck.”

Siyabonga (age 14) – returning to school tomorrow, thanks to the determination of friends Tracy, Kurt, Ross, and Lauren.

Epigenetics (by Don Pinnock) – It’s new science that is raising profound issues.

“What was not formerly realised is that, in the assembly of a foetus, the cell membrane mediates information between the DNA’s templates and the environment within which the pregnant mother exists. New life is built on a combination of ancient genetic wisdom and epigenetic responses to what’s happening moment by moment. Nature is nurture.”

Concordia township (Knysna) – 2018

“This means that a mother’s stress, poor nourishment or use of harmful chemicals can alter the way a baby’s brain forms, sending signals to it to adapt to a hazardous environment. It means more dopamine and aggression, less control by the prefrontal cortex, more physical, less reflection. In teenage years this translates into more aggression, higher drug use, lower inhibitions.” – Don Pinnock

Cooling off in Knysna township with a water-filled pylon cone!

“The assumption that youth-at-risk are incapable of learning and/or do not care about anything is a fallacy. They long for adults…willing to make the effort to understand them…” – Janis Kay Dobizl

Thank you for your ongoing support.  Janet & Jim 

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This is Africa

Jim & Tyler – 2017 carpentry skills program graduate

Hello from South Africa. Our return trip was uneventful and we’ve been busy in the township the past 6 weeks. The initial period is particularly enjoyable as we reconnect with the many youth we have come to know.

As we drive along the main road in the township, the boys are quick to wave or call out our names. Driving requires frequent stops in order to say hello and catch up with many of the guys. Plenty of smiles and African handshakes!

Janet and Prayer (grade 12)

Since the South African school year is January to December, Janet was in high demand upon her return to help the high school boys prepare for final exams. This is also the time when applications to attend college, university, or vocational training must be finalized for 2018.

Siyambonga – age 16, grade 10 (with dog Sheba). Siyabonga regularly attends Janet’s tutoring groups

Many of the boys are doing well, including each of the young guys who attend college and university. Thomas and Paul both graduated from business degree programs in 2017, Aphiwe completed Mechanical Engineering technology in 2017, Ben and Wanga graduate with computer science degrees in 2018, Kudzai will graduate with a BA Hons in 2019, and Siyathemba and Onke are on track to complete business/economics degrees in 2020.

Class of 2017 – Hands & Heart Carpentry Skills

Youth enrolled in the one year, Hands & Heart carpentry/welding skills program graduated November 30th, and some have already secured employment or further training. Many of these young men did not complete grade 8 or 9, but now have the prospect of a job and income. Jim deals with dozens of boys who cease attending high school between grades 7 and 9 due to weak literacy/numeracy skills and dysfunctional home environments. Not surprisingly, many are struggling to find their path in life.

Angel & Jim

Angel discontinued school in 2016, prior to completing grade 9. Shortly thereafter, Jim introduced him to the Hands & Heart carpentry skills program which he completed in November 2017. Angel starts a 1 year paid internship at Hope HQ in January 2018. Successfully completing Hands and Heart was a huge accomplishment for Angel, and we are proud of him. While working at Hope HQ, he will learn the skills associated with the craft of producing a brand of hand-carved birds which enjoy a worldwide following.

Danwille – age 19

Jim met Danwille (pronounced dan-ville) in early 2016 while he was in grade 9 and struggling at school and home. Danwille commenced the Hands and Heart carpentry program in January 2017, graduated 2 weeks ago, and commenced full-time employment with a reputable construction firm last week. Jim met the company owner a few years ago and recently contacted him regarding an opportunity for this hard-working young man.

Government-sponsored school lunch program (primary school in Knysna township)

Mandla is 23 years old and grew up in an orphanage from age 6 to 18. He has been featured on our blog numerous times since we met when he was in grade 10. He graduated with a Social Work auxiliary certificate in 2017, sponsored by the Khayamandi Foundation (USA), and commences full-time employment in January His employer, an NGO focused on youth development, had this to say:

“He definitely deserves it. He has proven himself being a dedicated and responsible young man that refused to let his circumstances stand in his way. We are blessed to have him on the team. He will be appointed as Family Reconstruction Worker… His main duties will be to liaise with the child, parents, schools and the welfare sector.”

Playing dominoes in Hornlee (Knysna) – Jade, Naldo, Wachied, Urhll, and the guys.

“A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” Oprah Winfrey

Simbulele – 4 years ago (2013)

We met Simbulele when he was 15 and in grade 9. He is now 21 years of age, graduated high school in 2016, and completed 8 months of skills training in 2017.

We’ve faced many challenges together, however Simbulele is doing well and has come a long way. He is currently working in a local restaurant and starts a permanent job in January as an Early Childhood Development Registration Assistant with the Knysna Education Trust (KET). KET is a local NGO which enjoys an excellent reputation, and this is a terrific opportunity for Simbulele. Thank you to Bev & Tony of Ottawa, Canada for believing in this fine young man.   (Knysna Education Trust website)

December 8 2017 – windy, dusty day in the township

Many of the profiled youth come from extremely dysfunctional home environments. Some of the boys live with an alcoholic parent(s) who is verbally and/or physically abusive. For others, both parents are deceased.

Money spent on alcohol or drugs means food is often lacking. When faced with the choice between buying bread or soap, bread commonly wins out. It is not uncommon for boys to lack soap or toothpaste. Imagine yourself at the age of 14, for example, struggling to survive in circumstances beyond your control. 

Inadequate nutrition, poor hygiene, and cramped living conditions result in high rates of tuberculosis. Three of the boys mentioned in this post were diagnosed with TB since we returned to SA, one of whom after Jim recognized his symptoms and recommended he be tested.

December 2017 – Knysna township

This is Africa. When tourists visit scenic Cape Town or Knysna and claim that South Africa is not real Africa, we beg to differ. Visit the Cape Flats (townships) surrounding Cape Town and see how the majority of the population lives.

Please don’t be fooled by the orderly rows of government-provided concrete block houses in most townships. It’s the living conditions within these homes, and the many shacks, which reflects reality.  

Almost one third of South Africa’s children are under the age of 15. 

Leighton – age 14

“78% of our Grade 4 students can’t read. Not in English, not in their home language, not in any language. Of the 50 countries that participated in the test, we came dead last.” (The South African Child Gauge 2017)

Each day we are reminded of the impact one person can have in the life of a teenage boy or young man. Too many youth lack someone in their life to provide guidance, encouragement, and hope. 

If not for your individual donations, educational funding from the Khayamandi Foundation (Augusta, Georgia – U.S.A), and financial support from The Moondance Foundation (Wales – U.K.), much of what we accomplish would not be possible.  

Thank you very much for your ongoing support.

We wish you and your family a Merry Christmas!   Janet & Jim 

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Africa Bound

Ottawa River – Ottawa, Canada.

Our time to reconnect with friends and family in Canada, and be reminded of what makes our home country special, is winding down. 

It’s time to pack our bags and soon return to South Africa; another country we consider special, albeit for different reasons. We’re ready to return, eager to resume our mentorship initiatives, and looking forward to seeing our many good friends.

Janet – repairing and upgrading donated laptop computers for senior high school youth

Living in a country with considerable poverty and income inequality creates many challenges, for both the rich and poor. There are only a few countries with higher gini coefficients than South Africa.

According to August 2017 data from Stats SA, 55% of South Africans live in poverty, with the highest incidence amongst children aged 0–17. South Africa is a country of first-world urban areas and suburbs, adjacent to third-world residential settlements.

Sadly, we know too many children, youth, and adults who wage a daily battle with poverty and food insecurity.

“Uncle gym without u i could of not go to the soccer camp and i really appreciate it.” Gamat – age 17 – 1st row in black jersey.

The primary reason we continue to return to South Africa is the prospect of making a difference. There is also what the French call Mal D’Afrique; an expression describing the feeling experienced by so many who have travelled to Africa.

There are numerous ways to impact disadvantaged individuals residing in the townships and racially segregated settlements established during apartheid. While there is plenty for the well-intentioned to learn, and the risk of toxic-charity, worthy opportunities abound.

15 year-old youth Jim mentors. Completed grade 6 before ceasing school.

Dr. Mamphele Ramphele, anti-apartheid activist and former partner of Steve Biko (anti-apartheid activist killed in 1977 by 5 members of the SA security forces) has this to say:

“South Africans…are deeply wounded by the legacy of racism, sexism, and engineered inequality over the three centuries which the last 20 years of ANC rule failed to reform.”

The humiliation of being told in more ways than one that one is inferior is deeply wounding and infuriating. But the lack of self-respect engendered leads to inward directed anger – domestic violence, community vigilantism, public violence, and other self-sabotaging behaviour…”.

Mxolisi (grade 10) – one of the boys Janet tutors with a donated/refurbished laptop

We are returning to a town of 77,000 residents which experienced devastating fires on June 7th. The official tally is 1,533 homes impacted, of which 973 were completely destroyed. Only 76.7% were fully insured and 14.1% had no insurance.

Of the 134 impacted businesses, 58.5% had no content insurance and 41.9% no property insurance. It is estimated that 2500 jobs were lost.

Scientific calculators Janet brings from Canada for math students.

We continue to be humbled by what we experience in South Africa. The prevalence of teenage boys and young men seeking emotional support and guidance in their lives is heartbreaking. Unicef reports 64% of children in South Africa grow up without a father in the home. In our experience, this figure is understated.

While the problem is huge, some solutions are not complex. So many youth are hungry for validation, a person in whom they may confide, and a better understanding of the education, training, and employment opportunities available. They need a mentor.

Sometimes the boys require financial help. It might be for school or university fees, education-related shoes or clothing, transportation fees, toiletry items, or food.

Ottawa River – Canada

We greatly appreciate each of our supporters. Thank you for helping, and contributing to what we do. 

Janet & Jim

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Mentorship

Junior (Panashe) – completing his final year of F.E.T. College.

While the benefits of mentorship may seem obvious, few youth mentorship programs have been subjected to controlled studies regarding their effectiveness. Surprisingly, some seemingly well-designed programs have even demonstrated negative outcomes. Mentorship is a somewhat nebulous term and, while the purpose of mentorship is clear, evidence-based guidelines on how to mentor effectively are less available.

“If it feels at times like you are at the end of your rope in reaching out to them, remember you are the rope – the very lifeline they desperately need and deserve to experience success in their lives (Breaux, 2003).”                                                                    Educating Latino Boys. An Asset-Based Approach – David Campos.

Siyathemba – completing 1st year business degree at University of Western Cape (UWC)

One youth mentorship program for which scientific evidence does exist is B.A.M. (Becoming a Man).

B.A.M. is a mentorship program for at-risk high school boys in some of Chicago’s most dangerous inner-city neighbourhoods. We learned about B.A.M. almost 3 years ago.

Structured like a randomized clinical trial, a University of Chicago Crime Lab study found a 44% reduction in violent crime arrests among B.A.M participants, as well as a significant improvement in school attendance.

L to R: Urhll, Haylen, Max

B.A.M. founder Anthony Ramirez-Di Vittorio: 

“…the most important thing is you have to start with the men who lead the program. We’re looking for men who have a hybrid set of skills that is hard to find. Because we know it’s not the message.”

“The kids have heard ‘Stay in school and stay away from drugs 1,001 times.’ It’s the messenger. The clouds part and the sunshine comes through when the right messenger is there.”

“…at BAM, we’re not talking at the youth.”

Kudzai – completing 2nd year at University of Namibia with financial support from the Khayamandi Foundation, Cooper family, and Iizidima.

“I want to be remembered for making a difference that rippled through generations. The real question and my secret is what difference that will be.” – Kudzai

Ben – completing final year of Computer Science degree at UWC – sponsored by the Khayamandi Foundation.

Reclaiming Youth At Risk: Our Hope for the Future – Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg

“Positive, trusting relationships are the bulwark of success in work with challenging children and youth. This is not a “touchy-feely” truism but is based on a half-century of hard data from research…”

“The most difficult youth are those who create trouble rather than friendships. Successful youth workers have long recognized the…potential of turning crisis into opportunity.”

“Obedience can be demanded from a weaker individual, but one can never compel respect. In most children’s programs, it doesn’t take long to see that adults expect to be treated with more respect than they demonstrate.”

Daniel – completing 2nd year Business degree at University of Zimbabwe with support from family & Iizidima.

“Horace Mann, the leading American educator in the nineteenth century, told teachers they needed to respond to the most difficult pupils like physicians who find challenge in solving difficult cases.”

Paul (left) completes Bachelor of Business Administration degree from TSiBA University in December 2017 with support from a Canadian couple and Iizidima.

Paul Tough, author of Helping Children Succeed: What Works and Why

“…best thing is to have disadvantaged kids spend as much time as possible in ‘environments’ where they feel relatedness, competence, and autonomy.”

“The problem is that when disadvantaged children run into trouble in school, either academically or behaviorally, most schools respond by imposing more control on them, not less.”

“Autonomy is not what one is inclined to use to manage the truly unruly kid in the class.”

Wanga – completing 2nd year computer science degree at University of Western Cape, Cape Town with support from family & Iizidima.

“The more they fall behind, the worse they feel about themselves and about school. That…tends to feed into behavioral problems, which lead to stigmatization and punishment…” – Paul Tough

“Fast-forward a few years, to the moment when those students arrive in middle or high school, and these executive-function challenges are now typically perceived to be problems of attitude or motivation.” – Paul Tough

Onke – completing 1st year Business degree at University of Cape Town.

Paul Tough:

“One of the chief insights that recent neurobiological research has provided, however, is that young people, especially those who have experienced significant adversity, are often guided by emotional and psychological and hormonal forces that are far from rational.”

“This doesn’t mean that teachers should excuse or ignore bad behavior. But it does explain why harsh punishments so often prove ineffective in motivating troubled young people to succeed.”

Talking back and acting up in class are, at least in part, symptoms of a child’s inability to control impulses, de-escalate confrontations, and manage anger…”

Thomas – graduated 2016 with B. Tech degree from Nelson Mandela University and currently completing a 1 year internship. A Canadian couple were very supportive of Thomas while he completed his education and sought employment.

Thank you for enabling us to mentor and provide academic support to many deserving youth. The young men whose photos appear in this blog post are all doing well and serve as positive male role models. We have known each of them for a number of years, in some instances since they were in grade 8, and we continue to be proud of their accomplishments.

Janet & Jim

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Disadvantage

Joodse Kamp – Knysna

How does the world appear through the eyes of boys growing up in poverty?

Is there a causal link between the chronic stress of poverty and an overdeveloped fight or flight response?

Do disadvantaged youth demonstrate a lack of resilience or motivation?

Why do children living in poverty often struggle academically?

These are some of the issues we encounter in South Africa.

Khayalethu – Knysna

Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed and How Kids Learn Resilience, documents the effects of toxic stress on children living in poverty.

“On a cognitive level, chronically elevated stress can disrupt the development of what are known as executive functions: higher-order mental abilities…”

“When parents behave harshly or unpredictably—especially at moments when their children are upset—the children are less likely over time to develop the ability to manage strong emotions and respond effectively to stressful situations.” 

Concordia – Knysna

While the body’s fight or flight response to danger serves the purpose of shortening reaction time, environments which chronically stimulate flight or fight are not healthy.

“…toxic stress can make it difficult for children to moderate their responses to disappointments and provocations. A highly sensitive stress-response system constantly on the lookout for threats can produce patterns of behavior that are self-defeating in school: fighting, talking back, acting up,…” – Paul Tough

Jack Shonkoff – Director of Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child

“If you haven’t in your early years been growing up in an environment of responsive relationships that has buffered you from excessive stress activation, then if, in tenth-grade math class, you’re not showing grit and motivation, it may not be a matter of you just not sucking it up enough. …you may not have developed those capacities because of what happened to you early in life.” – Jack Shonkoff

Khayalethu – Knysna

Gender Gap: A Disadvantaged Start Hurts Boys More Than Girls – Claire Cain Miller

As society becomes more unequal, it seems, it hurts boys more. New research from social scientists offers one explanation: Boys are more sensitive than girls to disadvantage.”

“Any disadvantage, like growing up in poverty, in a bad neighborhood or without a father, takes more of a toll on boys than on their sisters.”

Marianne Bertrand (University of Chicago) with Jessica Pan “…also found that boys fare worse than girls in disadvantaged homes.”

Rheenendal settlement – near Knysna

Reclaiming Youth At Risk : Our Hope for the Future – Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg

“…kids growing up in adversity often make choices that seem in flagrant opposition to their self-interest, rendering those goals more distant and difficult to attain.”

“Frustrated in their attempts to achieve, children may seek to prove their competence in distorted ways, such as skill in delinquent activity.”

“But for others, the fear of failure is stronger than the motivation to achieve. Youth who have learned to expect failure seek to escape further shame and embarrassment by working very hard at avoiding work.” 

Knysna Location

Protective Factors and the Development of Resilience in the Context of Neighborhood Disadvantage – Ella Vanderbilt-Adriance & Daniel S. Shaw.

“…resilience refers to the process through which positive outcomes are achieved in the context of adversity (Luthar, Cicchetti, & Becker, 2000a).”

“Protective factors are defined as characteristics of the child, family, and wider environment that reduce the negative effect of adversity on child outcome (Masten & Reed, 2002).”

“Several studies…have found that qualities of the parent–child relationship are not related to positive outcomes for children living in the worst neighborhoods (Gorman-Smith et al. 1999; Shaw et al. 2004).”

After-School Mentorship Group

“Across risk status, child IQ has consistently been found to predict a range of positive outcomes, including academic achievement, pro-social behavior, and peer social competence (Masten et al.1999), as well as the absence of antisocial behavior (White et al. 1989).”

Thank you for your continued support. Janet & Jim 

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