Don’t Abandon Me

Grade 11 boys (L to R): Athenkosi, Siyambonga, Jim (gr 11 – 1977!), Simamkele

While it may be instinctive to react negatively when a boy misbehaves, and feel inclined to abandon him, negative conduct can serve a mentor well. Instead of focusing on the inappropriate behaviour, focus on the reason behind the behaviour.

What is happening in the youth’s life which is motivating the destructive acts, making them seem pro-survival?

“Discouraged children show their conflict and despair in obvious ways, or they disguise their real feelings with acts of pseudo-courage.”   ” …such as attention-seeking or running with gangs.” – Reclaiming Youth At Risk : Our Hope for the Future (Larry Brendtro, Martin Brokenleg)

Bryan – age 17 – home for his family is a steel shipping container with no electricity or running water. Jim helped Bryan return to grade 9 in January 2018 after dropping out 1 year ago to due circumstances at home.

Teaching with Poverty in Mind: What Being Poor Does to Kids’ Brains and What Schools Can Do About It, by Eric Jensen:

“Children who have had greater exposure to abuse, neglect, danger, loss, or other poverty-related experiences are more reactive to stressors. Each stressor builds on and exacerbates other stressors and slowly changes the student.” “Behavior that comes off as apathetic or rude may actually indicate feelings of hopelessness or despair.”

L to R: Jason (14-grade 6), Jay Jay (15 – grade 7), Chaylon (14 – grade 8), Rayno (14 -grade 8). Only 40% of grade 8 students in township schools complete high school.

The Price of Inequality – Joseph Stiglitz: “…the poor know that their prospects of emerging poverty, let alone making it to the top, are minuscule.”

“NIDS- national income study: “…if your parents are among the poorest earners, the chances that you will be income-poor is about 95%.” (Murray Leibbrandt, Director)

Leedunn – Age 17, dropped out of grade 9 in 2016 due to circumstances at home. Jim helped Leedunn return to grade 9 in January 2018.

Professor Ben Turok (The Confronting Inequality Conference): “We also know from historical experience that extreme inequality of the kind of levels we see in South Africa is not good for development and growth…”

Oxfam: “Left unchecked, growing inequality threatens to pull our societies apart. It increases crime and insecurity, and undermines the fight to end poverty.”

L to R: Wanga and Siyathemba

Wanga and Siyathemba represent the future of Africa. We met Siyathemba when he was in grade 8 and joined one of our mentorship groups, and Wanga when he was in grade 12.

You won’t meet better people than these 2 young men; hard working, reliable, and honest. Siyathemba just commenced his 2nd year of a B. Comm degree, and Wanga is completing the final year of a computer science degree.Your individual donations, and support from the Moondance Foundation, are helping Wanga and Siyathemba continue their studies.

Janet’s connections at Cell C (internet provider) helped both guys secure employment during the December-January university break.

Janet and Ace (Andile)

After commencing university in 2016, Ace’s mother passed away and he needed to return home to care for his younger brother, Asanda. Asanda is in grade 10 now and doing well again, allowing Ace to resume his studies. Thanks to generous sponsorship from the Khayamandi Foundation, Ace recently enrolled in a 1 year program in Cape Town to upgrade his high school marks and qualify for admission to an education degree. Ace aspires to be a high school teacher.

Some of the boys we mentor who didn’t complete high school, working with the Khayamandi Foundation for 1 week in January: (L to R) Akhona, Ruwaan, Ruwaan, Reagro, Franklin.

Statistics South Africa 2012 – only 38% of South African fathers live with their children.

Fatherless children are at greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, suicide, poor academic performance, school drop out, teen pregnancy, and criminality.

Working with the Khayamandi Foundation team (January 22 to 26, 2018).

Don Pinnock – South African criminologist and author: 

“One of the biggest indicators for male delinquency is absent fathers.” “…in the absence of role models, how do young men assert their masculinity?”

“They carry feelings of shame and anger which they generally hide with bravado and, often, violence.” “They are drawn to others like themselves…”. “These kids often turn to violence and aggression…because these are a reliable method for reasserting their existence.” “I hurt others therefore I am”.

Olwethu – age 19, completed grade 8. Currently enrolled in a 9 session carpentry skills program.

Growing up in the Care of strangers – Waln K Brown, John R Seita:
“That is why I started running with a gang. The streets let us escape from problems at school and at home. Home was just a place to eat, sleep, and catch heck.”

Siyabonga (age 14) – returning to school tomorrow, thanks to the determination of friends Tracy, Kurt, Ross, and Lauren.

Epigenetics (by Don Pinnock) – It’s new science that is raising profound issues.

“What was not formerly realised is that, in the assembly of a foetus, the cell membrane mediates information between the DNA’s templates and the environment within which the pregnant mother exists. New life is built on a combination of ancient genetic wisdom and epigenetic responses to what’s happening moment by moment. Nature is nurture.”

Concordia township (Knysna) – 2018

“This means that a mother’s stress, poor nourishment or use of harmful chemicals can alter the way a baby’s brain forms, sending signals to it to adapt to a hazardous environment. It means more dopamine and aggression, less control by the prefrontal cortex, more physical, less reflection. In teenage years this translates into more aggression, higher drug use, lower inhibitions.” – Don Pinnock

Cooling off in Knysna township with a water-filled pylon cone!

“The assumption that youth-at-risk are incapable of learning and/or do not care about anything is a fallacy. They long for adults…willing to make the effort to understand them…” – Janis Kay Dobizl

Thank you for your ongoing support.  Janet & Jim 

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